Bless Be the Tie

I have written about Mama, and Daddy, too.  There is so much more to say about my parents.  I have been so angry at them for dying. It has been five years since Mama passed away on April 19, 2006.  Those five years have taken our whole family on a journey one prays no other person has to take; however, we all must face the death of a loved one.  Some folks face it gracefully, they appear to grieve and move forward; some refuse to accept it and can't move on, while others get angry. 

First let me say I know about the five stages of grief: 1) denial, 2) anger, 3) bargaining, 4) depression, and finally, 5) acceptance.  I don't remember the denial stage when Mama died.  She had been sick for such a long time.  Sometimes during her illness, I felt angry because she was sick.  I prayed for her.  I encouraged her to be strong, but it was as though the mother I knew growing up was not the mother whose frail body was not getting well.  It was as if she refused to get better.  My mama had always been a strong woman and to see her frail was heartbreaking.

The bargaining stage came early on in Mama's illness. "Please, God, make her well.  I know I have not been the perfect daughter, but I will be."  "Please, God, let her get better, we will all help her take better care of herself."  "Please, God, make her comfortable.  Please don't let her suffer."  I'm sure my siblings were praying these same prayers for her.

As time passed and Mama's improvements were in waves, we felt encouraged for short periods of time.  When the doctor gave her only 48 hours, she rallied back.  Thank you, Jesus.  Prayers were answered!  God gave her more time!  She fell and broke her hip.  She almost died again, and again, we all prayed.  God answered.  She was improving.  Mama was given another opportunity.  We were so thankful.  After each time, she was more tired and finally, she didn't have the strength to keep going. Blood clots formed and then moved.  I think Mama felt it was time to go and her prayers for God to take her were answered.  It is easy to overlook the fact that while we were praying for Mama, she may have had a prayer request of  her own.

Great-grandson Jonathan and Daddy at Mama's funeral.

There has been years of depression watching Mama endure the pain of her illness. COPD is painful and she often felt as if she were drowning.  She was on oxygen 24/7 and feared that she might run out when she had to go on a portable to go to the doctor or on a shopping trip when she was able.

I don't know if I have truly accepted my mother's death.  I think about her every day and each day is easier than the day before, but I still have the pain of not being able to ask her to clarify situations or ask her for her advice.  I am not sure that I am over the anger of her leaving too soon, but that was not my choice.  God controls every aspect of our lives, and I am sure He was calling her to come home. I would not be human if I didn't feel the anger, but I do realize that God is in control and He knew her pain.

Our family will never be the same now that our mother and dad have passed away.  How do you heal that pain?  Each of us grieves in our own way.  Each of us has gotten to our own personal stage of the grief process and how we handle that stage and move on is up to the individual person.  God will help us mend the heartbreak each feels. What we need to realize is that each one of us is grieving. 

It is me again, Lord, thanking You for your grace to sustain us through the grieving process.

A little Georgia Wisdom:  Remember that no matter how many members are in a family, each has to deal with grief in his or her way.  We should never judge a person's grief or underestimate the grief process.